January 24th, 2010
Sri Kaleshwar came down from his office to the Mandir to share his experience of Shirdi Baba appearing in his physical form in his bedroom the night before. He gave a talk to the students who had come for noon Aarti. Nityaananda and Monika had been with Sri Kaleshwar during that time and share their versions of the experience below, following Sri Kaleshwar's account.
Last night, you can’t believe it. Our master, the Big Boss, I never, ever… I think Clint (Nityaananda) and Monika are here? (No.) You can check with them.
The Boss came in my bed (room). It was midnight 12 o’clock. I was working round the clock, three hours taking break, again working. He came. Pretty good I was in depression. Depression means a kind of, ‘Why, why, why, what?’ I got too much frustrated, ‘What is your final ultimate? Where is the end? Show me.’ That is the point.
Midnight, 11:54 or 55 minutes at the time, Baba came, he entered and I didn’t believe it! And first, he slapped my back. Again, second stroke. Third stroke, whoever wants to see I have a five-finger stamp on my back. It’s painful. “Who did that?” Then I took a shower and looked, ‘Oooo what is that?’ It’s reddish, completely a red mark.
That was my biggest desire to see him and to talk and to clarify certain things. I didn’t know what I wanted to talk. I was in a completely in different condition and phenomenon, in a different situation, in a kind of a trance. I’m an avadhut, I pull certain things to manifest, to make somebody to come and stand in front of me, but he came with high voltage. I’m sorry, Baba. It’s a fact; believe me. Then, I didn’t know what to ask! And he pulled me and he put me in his lap and made my hairs (stand up)! “C’mon, you’re just my worker. I’m the person; I will take care. I know how to do it. Just do your job.” That was a relief. And, another thing is, the tears were flowing out and I grabbed his feet. I squeezed my thigh – somebody can even see that – but I won’t allow the ladies, only gents. I squeezed my thigh, ‘Is this real? Or am I in amnesia? Or maybe I’m in a trance, or maybe…what is my condition? It’s real. Okay good.’
He smiled, “It’s real, man.” And I know the ghoras, aghoras, dhuts, avadhuts, all the stuff?!? He gave an object. I couldn’t even hold it. He put it in my hand. It’s a big handful. It’s heavy. I don’t know which metal that is, if it’s cat’s eye or emerald or whatever it is. It’s different, a high dazzling that you can’t see on the globe. I took it and held it. What should I do with it?
He said, “It’s a weight, isn’t it?” I’m completely in the amnesia. I said, “Yes, Baba.”
Then he said, “Go and put it near the lights.” Two oil lights are always burning in my bedroom. Those lights I have never, ever seen with that much dazzling light as that time. I put it there. Then I turned around. He’s not anymore.
Then I pulled Clint (Nityaananda) and Monika. Pretty good my tears were coming and I was emotional, “I missed the chance.” I’m the person training the students, how come I missed that golden moment? But I was really, really, really lucky to touch… he made me to touch his two feet! I grabbed them. I can still even feel them, what a real thrill that is! Don’t think it’s a story. It’s a reality. It is a reality. It means, he’s with us, around us, watching us. Be very cautious.
You need to be respect your Guru Parampara to live or die as a bridge, to hook. If you got a really good hook with the Guru Parampara, you have no idea – that is the great love and attachment. Having the great attachment with the Guru Parampara, that is the bliss. You deserve and you require that, and you need to develop that. If he made you shave your head, fine. “Okay cut.” “Make 100 chapattis. Clean the floor.” Fine. He knows your mentality and your phenomena then he decides. Even my time right now, I’m also doing it. “Do it.” Okay I’ll do it, no problem. People think, ‘Is Swami a little crazy or what?’ It’s not a big deal, let’s do it. He asked to do it. He asked, do it. The Parampara’s is the Almighty’s order. Okay do it.
So, we’re all equal. Me too. I’m a person in your family. You are a person in my family. I’m not super. I’m not lower. I’m like… make me join as your family member. That’s enough in this life. I don’t want to be a supreme hero. I want to lead a normal life like you, guys. It’s a pleasure. Normal life means you come and whatever you have, yes. It’s not a joke; it’s my selfishness that I came with a purpose. And he’s the boss. He knew, he thought I was going to run out, “Stop. Wait. Do your job.” That’s my feeling.
But very soon I’ll show you what I received from Baba. You can’t see it anywhere on the globe. It’s an unbelievable crystal clear remarkable thing. And to have him…and to see him. Of course, I have different layers of Mother and Jesus, but he came and grabbed me and put my head on his lap. That is a mystery for me to understand why. What did he want to tell? I don’t know. It takes three days time. Within three days I can figure out. I asked different people and my mother, directly and indirectly.
So, my dear divine souls, you can trust anything but don’t trust the clock. The clock is running. Kalachakra is running. Your lifespan is running. Let’s create before we go. Be in the mission as part, as a pillar. In this big building one pillar is not enough. There are several pillars, several marbles, several lights, several things. Then only it comes a building. Don’t think you’re in this lower position, you’re in higher position, you’re in this position, you’re in that position. Every person who does any clarity work, or if you did your work in a beautiful way simply cleaning the altar. That’s your job, fine. You put a candle. Again you cleaned it and put another new candle. Good. You’re an electrician. Do it, that’s a seva.
I’m also like a different seva person. You’re a different seva person. Narayana Ma and Dasu (hut cooks) are different seva persons. The gurkas (security guards) are different seva persons. The drivers are different seva persons. We’re all different seva persons to his humble feet. Don’t expect you need to be in that high category seva. It doesn’t matter, even put a little small rose flower garland to his neck, that is your seva. Fine. Early morning whoever is making and offering a garland to him. That is a seva. You gave a little wood to the dhuni, that is a seva. I can’t do… for example, there’s a puja and Subramaniam, the priest, is there. I can’t be jealous that he’s all the time with Baba. Okay let him be, fine.
He knows what to give, what not to give. He knows what I need, what I want. He’ll do it, fulfill his job. That’s for sure. That is? For sure, he will give you that.
Even many people who are doing gardening and the lady workers, no problem. It’s required, the dedication. It’s required? Pure dedication. You’re doing a job, be dedicated. Then it helps. Job satisfaction. Even though you’re up and down emotionally, this and that, just surrender. Then he knows, he’ll take care. Just you surrender. Whatever you can do, just do it. That makes you happy and he’ll make you happy and make you to bring up another more layer of the happiness. That’s the way to lead the happiness.
And I appreciate it and put your sankalpam tonight and your prayers are required and I think everything will be fine by grace of the Almighty. Final, main speech today is hitting. So I need your love and your prayers.
Good luck. Good night. Thank you.
Monika and Nityaananda recount the same story:
Excerpted from "Guru Purnima 2015 Group Process" Conference Call
(originally broadcast July 26, 2015)
Nityaananda: Look how easy it is to be down or disgruntled or frustrated walking through your life. Look how easy that is. Look how hard it is to actually be up and perky? That's just a craziness we have, if we're really clear, what in the world do we have to be depressed about?! Wow, if we really value spirituality and spiritual knowledge, love, relationship, reality things, we value those things, wow! What more could we ask on this planet today? Where else are those values being lived and embodied and sought after actively? We are lucky (to have) that and we can recognize that too.
One of the things we were taking about in discussing this call was that posture of coming in (entering darshan experiences), how are the different ways to use that moment? We have Guru Purnima. We have Guru Purnima day, we have Guru Purnima night. There's a lot of process energy, a lot of collective attention around the world, that whole time as a huge wind in the sail when you're turning towards the Guru's energy. Everybody is going to do that together, a lot of people coming here, we're going to have beautiful process and actually more knowledge, a different angle in a PIN code angle to the Siddhis. But the point about that gathering for everybody wherever you are, is turning to the Guru on that day. We're going to meditate. We have channels, we have process, we're going to do that together. You're channeling and focusing on your Guru then something opens. Some experience is there. Some energy comes. What are those symptoms? How is it to utilize that? What are some of the moments like that that can be utilized? Because this is really the key thing - capture that. Like Mother Divine darshan, it lasts between 30 seconds and 9 minutes. I prepared for 11 months! You (Monika) were a lot faster. I'm not sure why. But we really prepared and rehearsed and all this meditation stuff and then it comes and boom it's over. You either hit it or you don't. It's the same with everything in the Divine Channels, angels come, a negative spirit that you can release, supernatural healing happens, Divine Soul darshan, Mother Divine darshan, Guru connection, these are all things that come and they're very powerful and they come in a way then they go. So we want to capture them in advance.
We can tell one story how Swami captured (the darshan moments) with that Shiva lila story. The master will come in a lot of different circumstances. This is not a Guru Purnima story, this is a story with Shirdi Baba. It was a day in Penukonda, a long night in Penukonda, and Swami was really in a place as a human being (or) so it appeared, I mean you can never know what's happening (with the Guru). He called us over, you Monika and I to his office at 4 PM in the afternoon. He had whoever was on duty with him stay for a little while, a couple of hours, then when the next shift (Sri Kaleshwar’s attendants) was going to happen he said, “We’ll tell them we they need to come, they don't need to come right now.” The he (attendant) left and left nobody on duty except us with him. He said, “You are on duty (to Monika),” then for the next 18 hours, it was until 11 AM the next morning, we were up there with him in his office and it was a wild ride, as many people here can imagine with that kind of time with Swami. The majority of it he was sharing a lot of his frustrations and pains and difficulties in his life and especially with the karmas and with handling the negative energy. It was quite dramatic, emotional time. I felt wiped out completely.
When it ended Swami was really, well, down, and I never saw that before. He went back into his southwest bedroom to go to bed and then we were cleaning up. I was almost never on duty like that (as attendant) so I was running around to do a few things I could figure out. So I'm cleaning up in the living room and the office and I am looking forward to getting back to my room to go to bed. You were in the outer room (waiting room at entrance to Jesus temple) and you heard some talking.
Monika: Outside of Swami's bedroom I heard Swami talking out loud and I couldn't quite make out what it was, but I thought, “That's really odd. Who was he talking to?” Then Nityaananda and I came back in the living room and we were putting things away in the refrigerator and the next thing was he was standing right between us! I don't know how that happened.
Nityaananda: He came and he stood very very close. That is so true. You explained that childlike quality, you experience it in really awake people too, there's a childlike quality there in that awakeness. Certainly the great Siddhas have that and that's so endearing, but sometimes it's hard to see, like when Swami was in his avadhut phase of his life, it was hard to see that. This was an avadhut phase but in that moment he was like a child. He came like a little boy and stood really close, ignoring all the physical boundary things, with a tear stained face. I never saw his face like that. But smiling greatly, he said, “Great good news!” It was completely confusing to me. What's happening here? I'm not sure if it's darshan or not, I think I'm having Swami darshan from his bedroom or something. Then he proceeded to say what happened, that was he went into his room and he was really at that place of being totally fed up, this (karmas and negative energy) is too heavy. This life really he lived alone. He didn't have any equal who could understand what he was doing or who could help carry that. There was a soul mate in the Himalayas he could connect with.
Monika: He didn't have a physical person.
Nityaananda: Not in the way he talked about soul mates that we need. That's another underlying thing there, why is he so adamant that all of his students going through this (Shakti energy channels of the ancient knowledge) need to have at least one other person in their life that they can share their life with, so they don't have to be lonely like he was, is one answer. Also a lot of mechanisms are there. But anyway, he was in that place, alone, and he was going in (his bedroom) and had his back to the bed and was telling Baba, “I can't take anymore, this is too much.” Then he turned around and Baba was sitting on his bed, physically sitting on his bed! Full physical darshan, and what does Swami do? He crawled up on his lap like a little kid!
Monika: Whatever he had in his mind programmed to ask like he'd normally say you have to be ready to do (he didnt ask).
Nityaananda: No, he just cried like a baby in Baba's lap, “This is my problem, this is my problem…” This is an example of one way to use that connection. Give your problems, give the weight, when you're close like that you have full rights to do that. That doesn't mean weight won't come back later in a different angle but don't worry about that. Give the weight that you have now. What is too much right now? You're down with that karma, you've learned about your blocks A-Z through that angle and you're fed up. When you feel that way and when you feel that way in the presence of that connection (divine darshan) then you can release it that easily. The master is not offended. That's actually the master's job. Baba came like a loving grandfather, Karuna Sai, patting him on the back, saying, “Don't worry, give everything to me, none of it's your weight, it's all mine.” And what was Swami complaining about by the way? “Why do you make me live in a palace with cars and clothes and all this attention? Why can't I go and just focus on God, just go into the cave?” That was his biggest pain, the lifestyle that he had to live because of the journey (dharma) and the messages he needed his life to give the world.
He is always the teacher. He had that thing then, he had (showed us) this huge mark on his back from Baba's hand. He can play basketball (huge hand), no doubt about it! Some people got shocked by that. That is kind of funny how the statue has that kind of hand. Swami, he didn't say how it happened actually, but somehow a power object materialized and Baba gave it to Swami. And then Swami turned around to put it away and (he said) that was his mistake, but I don't see any mistakes in this darshan. This (Sri Kaleshwar) is an example of a human being in a Divine relationship, of a great, amazing character, really amazing character. He turned around because he's a human being, ok, and put it down, that's all. Then he turned back around and Baba was gone! Then he (Sri Kaleshwar) came directly out and shared his story with us, then immediately he started critiquing himself without even a pause. He tells the whole story, and suddenly he's a 100% energized, his inspiration is 100%. It actually turned out he never went to bed. We were up that whole night and then after that darshan, he had you (Monika) call somebody to come on duty, he went back in his office, he's on the phone, he went back to work. He had another work day. It's true. He went downstairs (to the Baba mandir) later and he talked to people in the temple, he told a lot of people in the temple, “Hey, this happened, you should talk to Monika and Nityaananda, I just had Baba darshan!” He was really like a kid.
Monika: That's authentically Swami having darshan of his master. That's the real feeling that's there and you get that. Baba gave him the love. We all know that love because that's why we're here, we've experienced that love from Swami. Even if it's at a distance, it doesn't matter. It's unconditional love and then Swami was like a kid in that. It was so beautiful and vulnerable for him to show that. That's his Guru.
Nityaananda: Vulnerability is part of that relationship. How are you any more vulnerable than we are than we are with our Guruparampara? How many people got really nervous every time Swami walked into the room for no real reason? I'm in my blocks, then Swami walks in the room and he would say, “If you feel guilty you are guilty.” Then later it's (feeling nervous) a symptom that your soul is waking up. So we are vulnerable, and that's another aspect in our relationship and prayers, for that connection. Be vulnerable. It's not an external vulnerable where you are going to put yourself in danger with people around you. It's (being) vulnerable with your honesty and expression and sharing. Political correctness has nothing to do here, Swami hated that. When somebody started saying yes to him, which did happen a lot didn't it, what did he say? “I hate yes people.” He'd go around the room (in group meetings) and sometimes he'd ask ridiculous questions that of course everybody is going to agree with him about, then somebody would be contrary, and he'd say (to that honest person), “I love you!”