by Premamrita (Christina Luft)
I belong to the so-called “new students,” those who did not find Swami until after his Mahasamadhi and therefore never had the good fortune to see him in the physical body. There have been times I have felt deep regret that I never had the chance to sit opposite him and listen to his teachings, that I never heard his laughter or shared moments and deep experiences with him. However, I also realize the great grace that exists in my late recognition.
When I first heard about Sri Kaleshwar from our former family doctor I was not particularly attracted to this man. He seemed much too young and good-looking to be a real master. Besides, I had already set up my life and had a husband and four children. I worked steadily and my husband and I received regular spiritual guidance from two masters, one right nearby and the other in neighboring Switzerland. Although I felt that they were not "my” masters, I was not really in search of "the One." So, I was not very receptive when my good friend and former doctor returned from living in Penukonda and she invited me to attend a training seminar for healing. On the contrary, after looking up Swami’s teachings online my heart immediately responded to Baba, not to Swami; I felt absolutely no connection with him. I was quite happy already with the way that everything was in my world. This would change six months later when all of a sudden I woke up in the morning with such severe back pain that it brought my life to a standstill for months. It was almost impossible for me to keep my six-person household running. I dragged myself from doctor to doctor, and also to my spiritual advisors, but my condition only worsened. So, it was more from misery and a sense of responsibility towards the family, rather than intuition, that made me contact my doctor friend. When I did she offered me the Nine Womb Chakra Healings. After the second treatment the pain was disappearing, but due to the holidays there was going to be a long break until our next healing. So, she gave me a lotus flower leaf that had been blessed by her master in Penukonda. The moment I received that leaf my conscious relationship to Swami began; tears poured down my face, and my heart became so open and wide that the whole world could have sat in it. After that day, I attended all the seminars and initiations I could get!
While I have had incredible experiences with all of the teachings and initiations I have received, the Holy Womb Chakra Process has been the most transformative and revolutionary. It shook up everything in my life that was still coated with dust and could not yet sparkle. Even areas that I didn’t know were covered. Purifying this chakra does many miraculous things, including healing the connection with your partner. Prior to doing this meditation process I didn’t think I had anything to complain about when it came to my relationship with my husband. We had both been on the spiritual path together for years, which is a very special gift. In fact, he joined me in practicing the Holy Womb Chakra Process.
In spite of my gratitude for our common practice, at times I was filled with anger or resentment for him. There was no apparent reason for it and this often made me sad and insecure. I am thankful for the many years of training we had “before Swami.” They made it easier for us to step back in times of “entangling.” The majority of the time, the clouds cleared up much faster when we were able to let go. Nevertheless, it was an incredible challenge to master the difficulties that presented themselves in our relationship. Many, many times I gave everything connected to this situation with deep confidence to Baba and Swami: “Please, take it, all the negativity, and the illusions and make the best of it.” I did not feel in the position to shoulder this project on my own and was again grateful for the boundless help and encouragement of our dear teacher and friend. Throughout our charging process, Swami was always extremely present to me. One special highlight was during a meditation in which a dream I had many years ago emerged in my consciousness. In the spring of 2006, I was pregnant with my fourth child and fell sick with a severe influenza, which was accompanied by high fever and confused dreams. In one “fever dream,” a handsome young man with a dark complexion, shiny black hair, a charming smile and dazzling white teeth appeared in front of me. He rode towards me on a horse, dismounted, gave me a loving hug and then continued on his way on horseback. In the dream, and also when I woke up, I knew that I would immediately drop everything if I ever met this "dream man" in real life. Everything inside me only wanted to be with him. The following night I had the same dream again, but after my recovery I buried the memory of it. However, during my Holy Womb Process meditation in 2013 the dream suddenly reappeared without warning. All at once it was crystal clear - that man was Swami. Realizing this promptly healed the pain I had been carrying over the fact that I hadn’t experienced his presence in “real life.” Swami had always been there, years before I had even found my way to him.
Looking back, that intense time seemed to dissolve the karmic connections between my husband and I, it’s as if we were freed of the karma of earlier bonds. Because of all of the emotional entanglements we experienced I remember those 101 days as somehow being unreal. However, it is very real that our marriage lightened up through this catharsis. Our base today is a completely new one. Even in difficult situations we experience each other as the mirror of our own shortcomings and recognize each other as soul mates who are willing to grow together. Our relationship has become more honest and our love and affection goes deeper. The outer shells melted and we are increasingly able to see the inner core in one another – the shining spark within each of us that stands above all else.
I am infinitely grateful for the knowledge that Swami has given to the world with his life and teachings. It is also a wonderful blessing to be allowed to use the channels that I have charged in various initiations and processes not only for myself, but also for my environment. Especially in our big family there is always something needed. The fact that I can give healings to the children using various methods liberates me from a certain passive attitude of being the victim. Also, I am now able to look at their actions or diseases as a reflection of my own inner shadows and illusions and work with them to the good of all. I feel in all situations, even when there are the darkest clouds, that I am always under Baba and Swami's umbrella. It is a glorious relief to pass on to them everything that I cannot change within myself. This also applies to all my relationships and encounters with people. No longer are others the cause of the problem, but I am able to seek the solution in myself and to transform the problems with Swami and Baba’s help. Initially, I did not want to share my personal experiences with the world, but then I realized that to resist would require a lot more energy than surrendering. It is Swami’s will that made me to do it, surely with the intent to encourage other “new students.” From a human point of view it may be distressing to have never met him while he was in his body, to have never heard his voice or received shaktipat. But he is outside of the laws of time and space and has always been close to us on the soul level. I consider this experience to be a wonderful gift, which negates all regrets about seemingly missed opportunities as well as any doubts about our capability for growth without having him “in person.” His promise “I am always with you” has not only been a constant consolation in the year and half I have been practicing the channels, but also an anchor in the sometimes turbulent currents which come along with these great spiritual purification processes. I am deeply grateful that he heard the call of my soul and came into my life as my master. It is never "too late,” only “just in time."